BLOG 10

DENISE: (grinning a little)

Ladies…

(The girls lower their heads and walk quietly towards the back row of tables.)

TARA (V.O.):

Ahh, the walk of shame.

(The girls sit, and Denise averts her glance. The staff turns back towards her, attentively)

DENISE: (commanding, but not intimidating)

 As I was saying the ….

(Her voice fades off as Tara’s monologue kicks in and overpowers the outside noises. While Tara narrates, the image remains on Denise talking. She is commanding but not scary, and talks with her hands.)

TARA (V.O.):

 Denise is the camp owner. Well, technically her father Bob..

(Cameras cuts to an older looking man, Bob, wearing a baseball cap and a camp-labeled tank top in which his gut hangs out of. He really is only about 60 years old, but his gray beard and belly make him appear older. He is slouched over on a table, sleeping lazily. )

TARA (V.O.) (cont.):

 is…

(Camera cuts back to Denise talking to the crowd of staff.)

But she’s the one who does all of the leadership stuff. She handles the paperwork, the parents, and of course, her loyal subjects…

(Cut to shot of the pavilion, displaying the sea of green-shirted staff. They are looking forward, some attentively listening, others dazing off.)

TARA (V.O.) (cont.):

The counselors. Of course she doesn’t do it alone…

(Camera pans out and down to show Danielle, a curvy woman in her late thirties with piercing green eyes and styled auburn hair. She wears silver hoop earrings, and is sitting on the edge of the bench underneath where Denise is standing. You can tell by the way she sits that she is a very commanding person, yet has a vibrant personality. While the voiceover overrides the background noise, we see Danielle look up every now and then and chuckle or point to someone, as if to laugh at an inside joke or make flirtatious eye contact with someone. She has an open binder out in front of her and occasionally glances down to answer Denise’s questions or check references, etc.)

TARA (V.O.) (cont.):

That’s Danielle, the assistant director. In the many years that I was a camper here, I have come to know her very well. I wouldn’t quite say that she’s “like a mother to me”, but I guess something close to it. Maybe more like that one aunt you have that never go married and always gets too drunk at Christmas dinner but still sends you the best gifts on your birthday. But as much as I love Danielle, I kind of tiptoe around her. Not only can she be a terrifying human being when angry, she holds a lot of power in this place.

(Tara’s monologue fades out and the camera pans back out and on to Denise again. She is now holding a piece of paper that she picked up off the bench from Danielle’s binder.)

DENISE:

Alright so that’s, that…(She twists around as if to glance at a clock) I want to go over the groups one more time so you all can get familiar with each other a little more before your campers get here.

(Denise begins to list names in groups as Tara’s monologue briefly comes back and overshadows Denise once again.)

TARA (V.O.):

All the campers are divided into groups by age.

(As Tara goes on to describe the age groups, videos of sample campers in these groups are played.)

TARA(V.O.)(cont.):

  “A” group is the youngest, ages 3-5…

(We see a crying toddler clinging to his mom’s legs, a small girl standing still with a look of washed-over awe on her face while she picks her nose and wedgie, simultaneously, and another girl chasing a boy in circles enthusiastically…all at once. The scene is meant to look chaotic.)

TARA(V.O.)(cont.):

and “G” group is the oldest, ages 11-13…

(We see a group of awkward-stage looking children, the boys sitting on one corner of the bench playing with action figures and a football, the girls at the other, braiding hair and making friendship bracelets. There is the classic awkward middle-school tension between them)

 TARA(V.O.)(cont.):

Then, if you still aren’t “too cool” to keep spending your parents money at summer day camp, you become an “LIT, aka Leader In Training aka teen-angsty-camper” for three years

(We see a group of teens. The girls are in sunglasses, smacking gum while texting and giggling. There are a group of boys in the corner, crowded around something that appears to be a porno-magazine. There is a 14-year old couple flirting.. “no you stop!”..)

TARA(V.O.)(cont.):

 Then finally,

(The camera cuts back to real time, with the focus on Tara as she comes out of her monologue/daydream)

TARA(V.O.)(cont.):

Staff. Actually, as far as the whole “too cool for camp” factor goes, I’m kind of surprised that Morgan made it this far.

(Camera pans to Morgan, sitting on the bench next to Tara. She is clearly not paying attention to what Denise is saying, as she types furiously away on her blackberry. As always, she has a faint look of aloofness on her face.)

Blog #11

(About the dialogue in Blog #9)

1. This scene takes place in two seperate areas. One is Tara's (the main character) bedroom, and the other is the bedroom/bathroom of her friend, Morgan. This is shown through the use of split screen to illustrate their phone conversation. There are also flashbacks involved, which all take place at camp

2. It is morning time, around 7 am. Its in the summer, so the morning sky is bright and lights up the rooms well.

3. While Tara is talking on the phone, we see her in her room. She is the one having the "flashbacks" which work to describe the relationship between her and Morgan. In these flashbacks there are three seperate stages of the girls' lives as their friendship grows and they walk in to camp together. While Morgan is shown on the phone, she appears to be multitasking with many things that change each time the camera comes back to her. Doing her makeup, painting her toenails, applying lipgloss, etc.

4.
  (INT. TARA'S ROOM - MORNING)
  (INT. MORGAN'S BATHROOM - MORNING)
  (INT. MORGAN'S ROOM - MORNING)
  (EXT. CAMP WALKWAY - MORNING)

Blog #8

1) sharp and lean...move things along

2) mouth your dialogue...sound your words. edit other peoples real life dialogue

3) speech manorisms..how they were raised, expression, their personality. who they are

BLog #9 - Dialogue Draft: Relationship

(As she is putting on her backpack we hear the buzz/chime of a cell phone. Tara hears it too and perks up. She pulls off the bag she just put on her back and zips it open. She paws through her bag furiously looking for it. Some bangs fall out of her ponytail and land over her forehead and eyes. She continues to rummage, now faster, as the phone rings and she blows the pieces of hair off her face in exasperation. She finds the phone – just in the nick of time – and glances at the screen before she presses a button and then puts it to her ear.)

TARA: Hey.

(Split screen moves in from the right. On the new right side we see a bronzed, light haired brunette wearing Gucci sunglasses. She is leaning towards a bathroom mirror, applying lip-gloss with one hand and holding her Blackberry to her ear with the other. This is Morgan, as we soon learn)

MORGAN: (her tone is slightly vapid, like she’s distracted/disinterested, but this is just how she talks) So we’re still on for Jitters before work right?

(We see Morgan close the lip gloss and she stares down at her nails, finely manicured, and picks at them a little. As Tara answers, Morgan’s split of the screen slides out to the right.)

TARA: (Her face looks slightly confused, eyes squinted a little. Her tone is half questioning, half confused, and a pinch of humored by her friend’s tone) Uh yeah we’re “still on”. (The last part of her sentence is elevated to mock Morgan’s.)

(Tara puts food in a dog bowl and a small pitbull/hound mutt (or something like that) brushes past her leg to get to the food. She bends down a little to ruffle the fur on the dog’s head. The camera stays on Tara but we can hear Morgan talking on the phone in the background, though the words are heard more as mumbles as Tara’s voice over eventually overshadows them.)

TARA (V.O.): I don’t know why we wouldn’t be “still on”. We were always “on” for Jitters on the first day of camp. We always stop for coffee before the first morning so we don’t all have to arrive separately.

(Screen cuts to Morgan chatting vigorously on the phone while painting her toenails. We see her mouth moving and invigorated expressions but we can’t hear what she is saying due to the layover of Tara’s voice over narration.)

TARA (V.O.): That’s Morgan, by the way. She and our other friend, Nora, met at camp about twelve years ago. We’ve been inseparable since. Every first day we make our mothers drive us to Jitters so that we can all get to camp at the same time and walk in together.

(Flashback to three small girls walking in with their parents all close behind, carrying camp bags on their shoulders. They look eager to get there, running ahead of their parents.)

TARA(V.O.): As we got older, we only became closer.

(Transition to the same girls, now about age 9 walking in together without their parents, they are all holding hands and giggling, eating donuts.)

TARA (V.O.):  Our friendship even survived the inevitable “awkward stage”.

(Transition to the girls again, now about 13. They are wearing Abercrombie and sunglasses, holding cappuccinos and flip phones, trying to look “too cool” for everyone else there.)

(Tara comes out of the flashback and back to the split screen of her conversation with Morgan, who is still talking, now swiping bronzer across her cheeks in the mirror.)

MORGAN: …and I said to her that she just needs to swallow it like its not that bad ya know?

TARA: (coming back to the conversation, realizing that she has no idea what she is talking about) Uh yeah, right…

MORGAN: Thanks Tara! You always know what to say. So I’ll see you in like ten minutes, kay? Toodles!

(The split screen closes as Tara rolls her eyes a little as she holds her phone in her hand a little confused and exhausted by the conversation she tuned out of.)

TARA: (while shutting her phone, in a sarcastic tone) Uh toodles?

Blog #6

Ok sorry this is out of order but heres my outline:

-

(The show opens in a bedroom light by the rising sun as an alarm goes off. Camera cuts to a lumped body under a sheet as the alarm blares. Camera close up on arm coming out of covers searching for the alarm, slamming down on it once it finds it. Cut to the face of the girl, Tara, head on as she splashes cold water over her face. She looks tired and her eyes are puffy from lack of sleep. Her voice narrates her thoughts)

- The narrator drives to work with her friends, they are late and arrive awkwardly at the meeting after it has already started.

-she meets her group of counselors, then the campers

-day goes on

-etc.

-etc.

-after a week of exhaustion she has an epiphany with a camper.

-Read blog 7 for further description

Blog #7 -Hollywood Formula

1. Opening Scene:

(The show opens in a bedroom light by the rising sun as an alarm goes off. Camera cuts to a lumped body under a sheet as the alarm blares. Camera close up on arm coming out of covers searching for the alarm, slamming down on it once it finds it. Cut to the face of the girl, Tara, head on as she splashes cold water over her face. She looks tired and her eyes are puffy from lack of sleep. Her voice narrates her thoughts)

TARA (V.O.): I couldn’t sleep last night.

2. Setting Up the Story:

The monologue narration in the beginning will reveal the strong characteristics of the main character. Within the first few minutes she will answer a phone call from a friend and we will also learn more about this minor character from their conversation. The narration will begin to set the scene from the very beginning; Tara will be describing camp and how she got to be where she is now in terms of her new job there. A tangible conflict will not be introduced right away, other than the apparent nervousness of the main character over starting her new job. As the day goes on, more and more people will be introduced by the narrator.

3. The Big Decision

This may actually happen more towards the end of the pilot episode, as a way to not only conclude the first snipet of the series, but also leave room for explorations in the next episodes. Also its a little less of a "big decision" and more of a realization. Tara will exit a busy scene from an active game of dodgeball with many screaming children, and enter the counselor bathrooms within the girls lockeroom. She had the intentions of just going to the bathroom quickly, but she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and is shocked by how drained her face looks. Her monologue narration begins to question her purpose at camp - whether or not she is doing a good job and whether or not it is all worth it. She reflects on the failed expectations and is embodied with negative thoughts when her narration is interrupted by a thud from in the camper portion of the locker room. She forgets her thoughts and runs out to check. She finds a small camper sitting in the center of the empty room, struggling to tie her shoelaces. The girl looks up as if to ask for help, so Tara bends over to help. The girl makes adorable small talk, and then points to Tara's homemade bead bracelet on her left wrist. She compliments it and asks where she got it. Tara explains that she made it as a camper, probably when she was about her age. The girl says something that inflects the admiration she has for Tara, and Tara looks up from teh shoes at the girls face. Tara smiles, showing that this small incident has restored her confidence in herself and her reasons for wanting to be there.

Logline - Final

A girl working at summer camp narrates her journey as she comes to realize that many of the adults she works for are just bigger versions of the children she works with.